MAY BLOG

First grade sexually abused by a school administrator. Then, like some sort of energetic “blood in shark infested water” a domino effect of repeated abused over many years in my young childhood. This ramped up as I wandered into more dangerous situations as a runaway. Then trafficked.

Odds were I would end up in jail, addicted, killed by others or myself.

What happened… I asked God to help me. When I escaped, I knocked on a random person’s door and asked for help. God made sure that where I knocked with a lead me to the next step in my escape… That woman happen to be going to a treatment center the very next day. Why did she call the treatment center instead of giving me to the police? God. The place I went only allowed women over 18 who had an addiction and could only stay 30 days. Why did they let a 17 year old stay three months? God.

I was supposed to go to a place for teenagers that had a 12 month program. Why did my dad called me the night before I was supposed to move in to the teen residence center? God.

Why in the world did I have that feeling like I’ve never had before that was telling me that I absolutely had to get to my dad right away when I ran away from him and his sexual advances… God. How did everything lineup for me to be able to leave the place in Maine and get to dad in Florida ? I got a ride to the bus and the money for the bus ride to Boston… Than a plane ride to Florida. God.

God knew that my dad was going to die three months later. And that this spiritual experience I would have that night my dad died would be the corner stone for the rest of my life afterwards.

Who were those kids in the car that just happened to be where I was when I needed a ride to the hospital to be beside my dad when he passed? Who made sure I had a ride to the hospital? God.

After all that time of unprotected sex how in the world did I not get a sexually transmitted disease or a single pregnancy? God. How in the world did I get pregnant the first time with the farmer in Kansas? There was a bigger plan… God. I had a safe place, on hundreds of acres of farm land to heal for eight years of marriage. I had good insurance and good therapy. I had a baby boy that gave my life purpose and meaning. Thank you, God!

The gift of having a little boy, and soon after, a little girl before they found the cancer from all the years of sexual trauma and the hysterectomy that followed. Thank you. God that I had to healthy children before that diagnosis at 25 years old.

After eight years when my husband left me for another woman, all of the things after that just sort of fell into place… Each job each person, I met each opportunity that I took all of the healing and self growth was one steppingstone after another, stepping stone after another, stepping stone, and then oh my gosh, I am making a six figure income on 100% commission as a national sales person. Me!!!! No high school education! And by my posts I evidently never learned proper grammar…

By the time I was 40 I bought my own little house on a little pond in southern Maine… A dream come true. At 47 I met Charlie. I made up he needed me. He gave me purpose. Next month we will have been together 13 years.

In 2015 I was volunteering at the Long Creek youth center i.e. jail for kids when I realized that if I spoke my story publicly, I might be able to save other kids from going through what I went through. I might be able to give hope to other survivors who are going through the process of self healing and self growth.

Since 2015, I have been invited to the White House to share my advice on child sexual abuse prevention. I have been acknowledged as a most valuable community leader, one of 25 chosen throughout New England by the New England Patriots. I was chosen as one of 20 outstanding women in Maine. I was honored with a citation of honor from Kings County Brooklyn, New York, human trafficking task force. I was asked to be on a special committee, working on a project for best practices for law-enforcement, when engaging with sex, trafficked minors out of the university of New Hampshire crimes against children. I have raised tens of thousands of dollars to provide High level educational conferences for our community. Some of which have been put on the State Of Maine website, the Catholic diocese uses last falls in person conference I provided on technology as a mandatory training for all of their private schools across the state of Maine. You can see all that on my website www.stoptraffickingus.org
I have been privileged to be able to be on local television, radio and newspapers and podcasting zoom etc. Oh my gosh just more panels and speaking engagements than I can count. I have stood before our local government asking that prostitution not be legalized in our state. Most recently I have been awarded a $300,000 federal grant to continue the educational trainings for our state.

It is just amazing what one crazy chick in a SheShed office of love can do when your heart is in the right place. All of it… all of, all of it… God.

I might be able to repay God for all the blessings in my life… I could pay it forward

So my last life hack…

My truth is that there is some invisible force that has watched over me and helped me all these years. I call this invisible force Mother / Father, God.

I believe I am only alive today because of God. The inner peace, amazing, friendships, health and well-being, my marriage, my amazing children and grandchildren… I would have nothing… I wouldn’t even be here without God

I believe God’s only mistake is this whole Freewill thing. I think it’s crap! Lol
Listen, God did not allow bad things to happen to me… God allowed free will and hurt people, hurt me.

God helped me heal myself by guiding me through books music people, coincidences, Synkro destiny… Call it what you will… I studied and learned and implemented. I tried various tools and resources… Some of them worked. Some of them didn’t, but I kept moving forward.

And it started with… “God, I don’t know if you’re real. But I don’t like life. I don’t want to be here. I think you made a mistake putting me on this planet with these people. But I am afraid to kill myself because I don’t wanna end up in a worse situation then I’m in. But I don’t want to live this life either. If you are real… Please help me. Please help me.”

And that started me off on the journey that brings me to this now moment making this post for whoever God intended this post to be for.

I believe there are no accidents or coincidences in life. And if you’re reading this, you’re supposed to.

My life hack is choosing to believe in a power greater than ourselves that does not cause pain and suffering… Loves us unconditionally… Will help guide us and show us the way if we ask and pay attention to the signs. There really is an ongoing conversation.

I’m not Mary sunshine. I have good days and bad days. I get angry and frustrated. Sometimes I want to open up a can of whoop ass. The longer I live the greater my faith and trust in God becomes. And when I’m being a crazy human being, I just acknowledge that I’m being a crazy human being… And generally I can laugh at myself. Because I really am a crazy human being! I crack myself up!

But mostly, I am just so freaking happy to be alive on this planet. I think this planet is so cool! And I think healthy human beings are so cool! I think that what I’m seeing on the news as a lot of hurt people that are hurting people. But it’s so fixable. It’s not permanent. We really can fix all of it. There’s still time.

The way that we do that as we fix ourselves. And then we do our part to help others fix themselves. And we vote. And we become the change we need to see in this world. We don’t not help because it seems so hopeless and overwhelming… Remember, the starfish story!

I think we’re supposed to be the embodiment of the Christ Mind on this planet. That spark of divinity lives in each living being equally. Our human being, body suit is just the vessel, and we have to learn that we control the human being mind instead of the human being mind roaming around, like a wild fire hose out of control.

I don’t think it matters what practice you use to connect with God… or what religious practice you’re using… or what language you speak or where you talk to God… Just talk to God. Just talk to God.

Please don’t misconstrued ( right word?) all this as me being some holy roller Bible thumper because I am not. Christians have been awful to me. I think the rituals of Catholicism is cool, and I love the Jewish culture. I love the Wiccan’s relationship to nature. I love the Buddhist philosophies. I think Sufis have the best dances, just saying.