What do you do when you’re making new friends? What do you wear? How do you behave? Do you use your best manners? What level of personal depth do you go to in the “getting to know each other conversation?” Hi…my name is Betty Lou and in my freshman year of college I did a three-way with my roommate and her boyfriend…
I mean, when is it the appropriate time to tell people that you’ve spent 20 years in the big house for a murder you committed because you were off your medication and the people in your head told you to do it in order to save the planet from an alien invasion?
In the first 10 minutes? How about a drunk talk 5 years in?
This isn’t something I ever read on the Miss Manners question and answer section of the Sunday paper.
Those of you who’ve been reading my work and following me know all about my life. God bless you for your tolerance, patience, and support! I hope you know how much I appreciate you!
Mine is not exactly a story that one would choose to be introduced to in any situation.
I find myself in a situation I’ve never been in before.
All my life I have chosen who I would dare confess the smallest awful bit of my past to. I see how they handle a little…then maybe give them a little bit more. It was a painstaking process. I chose who I would tell, how I would tell it, how much I would tell at a time, and when or even if I would tell!
I’ve been so busy the last three years being the Lorax, that it only just to occurred to me this morning that part of the reason I’ve been more socially withdrawn is because I’m feeling sort of insecure and vulnerable.
I realized that some of the people that I’m meeting for the first time know the most awful things about me before I even shake their hand and say hello!
That’s kind of a trip!
Every time I hand out my card, I imagine them coming to this site, reading it, and then not inviting me to social engagements because I’m unworthy. I’m not good enough…I’m broken.
Then when I see “friends” at social gatherings having fun that I was not invited to, my inner critic says, “SEE! You aren’t wanted.”
Truth is, I don’t attend 9 out of 10 things I WAS invited to.
Truth is, I project my own feelings of not being wanted-worthy-good enough-a burden, and I don’t create my own inner circle of community! I don’t invite or attend!
So it’s a no-win. When I didn’t tell, I thought, “Wait until they find out about you! They won’t want you.”
When I did tell…I thought the same thing.
The fact that the public “outted” me is for all the right reasons! It’s out to educate our community as a prevention method, to motivate people who see something to say something, for predators to own it and get help, and for wounded people to feel inspired to heal.
It’s totally worth being out for. Totally.
My own work is obviously not done. I’m proud that I have the skill set to see it, own it, and take action on it.
Self acceptance is a journey, isn’t it?
I had a great time last night. I have another girl’s night planned with a bonfire. I’m not going to judge my worth by how many come or how clean my house is.
Ok…yes I will, but I will also laugh at myself!