25 years ago I fell in love with Iyengar yoga. This particular type of yoga dropped me into my own skin. I was present. It was intimate, nurturing, and emotional. This, combined with many other methods of self-help, was all a part of the “get out of emotional hell” recipe for me. It took decades of tenacious work, but it all paid off… like someone losing hundreds of pounds of weight…it takes a lot of time, and even when it’s off, there is still a lot of work to do to keep it off.
In my journey of following my heart’s desire…I use joy like I’m using a divinity stick, searching for water. I followed my joy… asking the question, “How can I help others feel groovy in their own skin? How can I take everything I have bought, used and learned over 30 years and share it with others so they can claw their way out too?” Around this time, I saw a local healer chick, and she said the great spirits advised that I seek a certain teacher who was no longer teaching “teacher I training”, but I needed to seek her out and connect with her. This was my path to help others. So, I cold-called the teacher, met with her in person, and she accepted me and created a class of one (me). (Like a fool), I paid in advance. It was to be a non-traditional class structure but all very accommodating for this single student class. Game on! But then she took on another student with much more restrictive meeting times. Then life drama happened, and the teacher lost her yoga space. She then had kid trouble and then fell in love. While she was falling IN love, I was falling OUT of love with yoga. I hated the hour long drive one way to “sit in” a yoga class to get an hour of my required 200 hours. It was like watching paint dry. Then a good friend, who was having adult child issues, starts giving me crap about yoga: “I thought YOU YOGA PEOPLE were all about peace and love…I thought YOU YOGA PEOPLE were all about being nice to each other” So every time the adult child did anything wrong, I (Yoga) was blamed. I returned all yoga materials to the teacher and walked out. No refund. Regardless, I felt a huge relief.
If a crazy Jerry Springer chick teaches yoga, she is still crazy. All yoga teachers aren’t Buddha, and all Psychics aren’t always right.
I have been blessed with the stars aligning in my like that when an opportunity came up for me to go to the Hoffman institute which was a seven day process came along or the Gay Hendricks weekend program across the country came along or the Meadows in Wickenburg Arizona that $1800 trip came along, I had the flexibility to be able to attend these various workshops wherever they were. Working for myself I could adjust my schedule so that I could go to these events. I had the money. I had the flexibility. I had the time, the resources, and my panic attacks were such that at that time I could actually get on a plane. Though many times my anxiety would not allow me to leave the house. I consider myself fortunate to have been able to attend some of the best workshops by the coolest people/groups in our country (and out of the country). MOST were well worth it, and it is truly my joy to share everything I have learned with you.
But not all of it was magical, happy, groovy, healing time. I have seen (briefly) many of what I call “wounded healers”, people who were actually a lot more screwed up than I was! And I didn’t think that was possible! Ha! This is one of the many reasons for creating my website. I want to talk about A-L-L-L-L of it: what worked, what didn’t, what was just WRONG! For example, one therapist using my session to discuss ME helping him with another patient! (I turned him in, by the way.) Or the shrink that made a pass. (That’s happened a few times.) Shrinks taking their own issues out on me… one shrink insisting I was a sex addict so she forbade me to even touch myself for like 11 long months. She was one so she transferred it to me! I am a codependent. (I want one person…as in I want to unzip him and climb in and go evvvvvvvvvvverywhere he goes LOL!) NOT a sex addict. I knew I wasn’t. That wasn’t a concern to me at all, but she was the shrink, so she must know.
And there it is… transferring our own power to a (Hang on to your girdle. It’s a long list.): Therapist, Doctor, Lawyer, Nurse, Minister, Rabi, Nun, Shaman, non-traditional healer, hypnotherapist, tapping, EMDR, energy worker, Teacher, Boss or Bossy people, etc.
People who are seen as community servants; gas station attendant, cable guy, hair dresser, grocery store clerk, DMV people, hostess, waiters, car wash people, nanny, dog groomer, toll booth babe, aren’t “less than” us. And people who may, or may not have, higher levels of education or make more money aren’t “Better than” us. I worked HARDER as a home cleaner around college than I did in sales, and sales earned me a 6 figure income. When I walked away from that job, I wondered if I had any value, since I was poor again. Then I realized that I am who I am whether I’m making 2k or 12k a month. My value didn’t change. I wasn’t better and no less than others because of a job title or income.
When I’m really sick, I listen to my doctor. But if I have questions, if my inner voice says: “Hey! I don’t feel like I’m being heard”, or I don’t feel like what he/she is saying is true for me, I get another opinion.
When my car is making a bad sound and I take it to the shop, and they pat me on the head and tell me it’s nothing, and I say: “No I think it’s the brake pads”, and they say: ”No” and send me home…and three weeks later, when I go back, and they say I need not only brake pads but the metal thing too because it wore down into it. I think: “I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MY INNER KNOWING”! Sometimes, as people, we just give our power away and make others an authority over our own knowing. (Side note: great book: The Gift Of Fear, about trusting yourself)
I have met really, really rich people and flown on private planes and stayed in luxury resorts but had a better time up at hunting camp with no running water, phone, or electricity. I’ve also stayed at luxury resorts and never wanted to leave. You know what you have when a really rich guy is a jerk? A rich jerk. You know what you have when a really cool humble kind guy is rich? A rich cool humble guy/girl.
There is no “greater than or less than”. Spokes and a circle make a wheel; not just the circle or just the spokes. They are different and equally valuable. That’s people! Everyone has a place and a purpose, and each are equally valuable. No one’s opinion should over-ride your inner knowing. This includes yourself. Value yourself, your knowing. If you need data, get it. Don’t give your power away just because you believe that he/she is more powerful than you.
One tool I use is “creating a boardroom in my head”. I have a cool table in my imagination, and the people I respect the most, living or dead, are around it. If I get data from someone outside myself that makes me feel unsure, I go within myself for clarity. If Jesus or Oprah say, “Go get another opinion”, I do. If Calvin and Hobbs say, “It’s time to lighten up, I do. J
Grow your self-assurance muscle!
I believe in you!