How many times did I do the wrong things even when I knew it was wrong. Totally wrong. Illegal immoral and fattening combined! But I did it anyway. And I did it numerous times! I have made the same stupid freaking mistakes over and over again!
So while I am in the backseat watching somebody else choose the wrong (who do I think I am to label their choice as wrong?!). priorities… investing time & energy in unhealthy people and hurting the healthy people… I just have to remember all the times that I did the same thing. We all learn and grow in our timing not someone else’s. Certainly not mine.
The biggest mistake I’ve made in my adult life is putting expectations on people to play at a level that they’re just not at yet. That’s my bad. Not theirs! Everybody’s doing the best they can with the information that they have. Truly, bad experience offers us tremendous wisdom doesn’t it?!
Someone might be brilliant with relationships and awful with money. Someone might be fantastic at growing businesses but awful with interpersonal relationships. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We are all spiritual beings having a human experience. We are equal.
I was promised something yesterday (that I didn’t ask for, it was just sweetly offered) and within 24 hours the promise was broken. There’s no good guy bad guy in the scenario people just do what they do to get out of pain and to feel good. That’s the bottom line. And breaking a promise to me wasn’t as motivating as the other choice was. It’s really that simple.
The best thing I can do is to remember all the times I did the same thing. All the promises I broke, all the bad choices I made, and to let go of judgment and self-righteousness.
When I haven’t done a good job of self-care for myself… If I’m tired and worn down… I can totally go into a self righteous martyr energy. I felt myself going there tonight so I thought I would write this post which I will delete in the morning… And just call myself out on it.
The promises I need to be most concerned with are the promises I make to myself. The expectations that I need to be concerned with are the expectations I have of myself. There’s only one person who is responsible for my happiness, and it’s me. Who other people choose to be in relationship with is none of my business. It is my personal belief that we absolutely become who we engage with on a regular basis. You better believe if I’m having a 45 minute conversation… it’s going to be with someone that I’m helping or someone that I’m learning from.
Oops ! I just stepped into self-righteousness again…
Sitting in my skin. Doing my work. I’m not letting anybody off the hook because it’s not my place to put anybody on the hook! Other people are none of my business.
Sometimes being a grown-up is wicked hard.
Isn’t it time for vacation yet?
I believe in you.
With love, Catherine, sex trafficking survivor, and thriver!
